dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
