He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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