You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
