Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
