Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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