My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
