I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
