I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
barbara walters just said penis...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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