did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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