My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
