i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
