Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
