im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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