What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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