from now on my penis is your penis
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
