literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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