is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
