I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
