dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize