Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
