dude i'm inner monologue high
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
