it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
