Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
