Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
