matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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