Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
