So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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