Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
