I just made out with a guy for $7.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
