Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
do herpes really smell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
