I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
