Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
