there was a trapeze. enough said
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
