We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
