she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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