dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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