It's a beautiful day for a hangover
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
