Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
