You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
