saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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