Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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