If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
