Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
