I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What a dumb baby whore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We need a shit load of segways right now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
