I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
