You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
