It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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