Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
our cab driver is having phone sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
