my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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