Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
