awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
