never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
