Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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