do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
