Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
