u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
