I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
