Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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