Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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