soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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