Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
