I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
