i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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