My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize