If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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