Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
