So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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