I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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