Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
