Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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