Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
