so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize