I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
is it fun? or sober?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
