I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
