i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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