Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
