theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize