did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
