dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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