My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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