You're completely useless in the revolution.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
