So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
