Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
