No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
