be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
