Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
