Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
