our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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