I just cut my nipple shaving
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
