I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's just like the Real World with babies
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How's work?
Spinning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
