Moan for me like Helen Keller
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
