Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
