Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
