and she was petting her beer can
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
