in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
