Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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