Apparently you make a good broom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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