when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
