Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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