i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
