her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
