you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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