i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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